she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
