i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
