she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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