when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
