i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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