Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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