Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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