The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
