So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
