So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
