I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
