Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
