Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
