I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
