The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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