She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I need to align my fucking chakras
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
