i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
