Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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