Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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