So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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