he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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