Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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