we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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