You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You are a genius and a whore.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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