it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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