i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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