Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
