Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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