How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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