That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
