well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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