she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
love makes seman taste better
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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