I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
