So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize