he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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