I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
