I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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