turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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