When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Be still, my beating vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
