So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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