I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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