she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
