She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize