4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
