i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
