I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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