Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
