i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
