I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
