She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
