Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
