So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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