I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
