dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
