And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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