you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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