I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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