Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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