I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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