I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
