I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
