i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
