I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Need sex. Gaining weight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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