You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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