She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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