Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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